Symone is in the Christmas spirit

"Did Jesus breastfeed? Yes."

-Symone

Symone is cold so she put on her jacket

"We have to sit in our house like poor people!"

-Symone

Symone also can't believe it IS butter

Just an update: Symone ACTUALLY MADE BUTTER.

"A big-ass bowl of homemade butter," as Gillian said.

Symone can't believe it's not butter

Symone: Yeah, let's make butter!
Emily: Why?
Symone: I dunno...I was feeling extreme.

Sent from my iPhone

Symone knows how to get out of going to class

"Sometimes I really wanna give myself food poisoning...it's an easy
way to get out of class! You just leave food out, and it doesn't taste
bad when you eat it. Sure, you get sick later..."

Sent from my iPhone

Symone reads this blog

"Oh yeah, I remember saying some of these things."

-Symone

Symone is very specific about her writing implements

"I'm using real pencils these days, like the kind you have to sharpen. I go to the library and I use the sharpener on the wall, and it's like gunna-gunna-gunna-gunna. I get up and sharpen them in class and people are like, 'What the hell are you doing?'"

-Symone

Symone points out some plot flaws in Harry Potter

"How come none of them ever has to pee? Like they're always doing things, none of them are ever like, 'Be right back, guys, I gotta go.'"

-Symone

Symone believes in animal luxury

"I bought the Britney Spears and Paris Hilton fragrances for my cat."

-Symone

Symone loves animals

"I tried to save a clam from a restaurant once."

-Symone

Sent from my iPhone

Symone and obesity

"Fat people are people too! Would you still be friends with me if I get fat? Jiggle-jiggle, jiggle-jiggle..."

Symone's plan worked!

"Look! Dressing like Bella got me a boyfriend!"

-Symone

Sent from my iPhone

Symone has a townie boyfriend

...she thinks.

Sent from my iPhone

Symone and the closet

"He's in the closet. In the dark...where I keep all my men."

Symone found an abandoned "baby"

"You can have some milk! Just not from my boobs."

-Symone

Symone as Cinderella

Symone accidentally flung her shoe across the room at the Hourglass. When a confused male bystander came to bring her shoe back to her, Symone held up her foot and shouted "Put it on!"
The man placed the suede slipper on Symone'e foot, a la Cinderella.

Symone went to the foam party

...wearing suede shoes and a very expensive outfit. Mistaaaaaake...

Sent from my iPhone

SYMONE IS 21!!!!

Happy birthday to Symone!

She's chugging 4Loko to celebrate.

Sent from my iPhone

Symone has difficulties being underage

"And I'm black, so I have no fake IDs!"
-Symone

Sent from my iPhone

Symone has t-shirts!

In honor of Symone's birthday, her loyal fans have created Shit Symone
Does t-shirts in her likeness! These are handmade limited edition, but
if you'd sport a Shit Symone Does t-shirt, let us know in the
comments! We're throwing around ideas for a design and might be
selling t-shirts soon...

Sent from my iPhone

Symone plays kings

She created a rule where everyone has to call everyone else by the
name "Symone" instead of by their real name.

Sent from my iPhone

Symone turns 21 at midnight!

And after tonight, she's never drinking again so she can be like Bella
Swan from "Twilight." She's even been buying up lumberjack clothes,
like a pair of jegging cargo pants.

No, seriously, she bought jegging cargo pants.

Sent from my iPhone

Symone remembers Bob Ross, famous TV painter guy

"He's real?! I thought he was in my imagination!"

-Symone

Symone went to Disney World

...where she walked around and told all the other little girls that
she was better than they were because Symone was in pageants.

Sent from my iPhone

Symone is a brilliant scientist

In sixth grade, Symone wanted to do a science fair project on
crawfish. So she got a big rock, tied it to a string, and tied the
other end of the string to a stick. Then she went to the creek, where
she sat on the bank and held the stick-rock-string contraption in the
water as though it were a fishing pole. Her theory was that crawfish
would come sit on the top of the rock and Symone could then just pull
the whole thing out of the water. Anyone care to guess at her success
rate?

Sent from my iPhone

Symone and trick or treating

Symone has only ever gone trick or treating once.
"My mom says its for pagans."

The one time she went, she went as a queen.
"I wore a crown and I waved at people."

Symone has an outburst during chapter

Caitlin: (to the whole group) What's your favorite Colgate tradition?
Symone: SEX!

Sent from my iPhone

Symone sometimes needs translation

Symone: Stuff is cheaper when people are poor.
Everyone: Huh?
Emily: Oh. She means the mall is in a poor area, so everything there
costs less.

Sent from my iPhone

Symone makes a statement

"I like to do things orally."

-Symone

Sent from my iPhone

Symone questions her muscle pain

"You were with me last night. What was I doing with my butt?"

-Symone

Sent from my iPhone

Symone's highschool years

"Sometimes I'd drive to crew practice and I'd have to turn around because of a dead body."

Symone's nuptials

"Everyone's invited to my wedding, even if I meet him in a bar..or and alley...or he's mormon..."

Symone just had a revelation

"Wait! Snuggies really are just backwards robes...I bought one for my
dog. My foster dog."

-Symone

Sent from my iPhone

Symone is a vegetarian

...But she is currently sitting in the dining room eating a midnight
snack of roasted chicken.

Because today, Symone says, is "chicken day."

Sent from my iPhone

Symone has a weird affection for green sponges

"I like to put them in my mouth when they're new."

-Symone

Sent from my iPhone

Symone is a phone thief

She found someone else's phone in the pocket of her jacket when she
left the Jug. She's not sure whose phone it is, but she's been playing
games on it all weekend.

Sent from my iPhone

Symone has very selective fears

"The guns don't scare me. I'm a PCON major."

-Symone

Sent from my iPhone

Symone at a haunted house

"I'm shitting myself."

-Symone

Sent from my iPhone

Symone has an extra cupholder because...

"Something's in my crotch."

-Symone

Sent from my iPhone

Symone won't take the back stairs

She'll only take the front ones, because the back stairs are racist.

Sent from my iPhone

Symone says...no, actually, this one can stand on its own.

"Ugly people should have nice things sometimes."

-Symone

Sent from my iPhone

Symone has a crush for the crush party

"He wears peat coats and cashmere sweaters, and I like peat coats and
cashmere sweaters. I think we'd make a nice family."

-Symone

Sent from my iPhone

Symone used to get a new computer every year

She had a pink Vaio when she went to college so she could look like
Elle Woods. But then she got a Mac so she wouldn't have to get a new
computer every year. But now her Mac is a year old and she thinks it
is "old and crusty."

Sent from my iPhone

Shit Symone Does now has a Facebook page! That means it's legit.

Follow us on Facebook so Emily can get her much-sought-after TV deal.

Symone just found out people read this blog

"That's...interesting."

-Symone

Sent from my iPhone

Symone and titus

Symone thought that Titus (the hamster) looked hungry. So she made him some spaghetti.

Symone needs more disposable income

...so that she can buy an $8000 bed that's shaped like a princess
castle and lights up in the dark.

Sent from my iPhone

Symone likes "Deadliest Catch"

"I like to watch that crab show."

-Symone

Symone comments on a friend's boy toy

"He's not full of himself... but a lot of people are full of him."

-Symone

Symone hates that TV show "Raising Hope"

Symone: Turn it off!
Person: Why?
Symone: Because it's about raising a child! People should know how to do that.

Symone disapproves of those who can't cook

"Don't you want to be a good Jewish mommy?!"

-Symone

Symone on the "Yes Means Yes" initiative

"Yes means yes, No means...maybe? Everyone looked at me like *gasp* but I was just like...you don't go to Colgate, do you?"

Symone after a night out

"All these people wanted to make out with me but I was like...AIDS."

Symone's teeth feel weird

And she's surprised they haven't fallen out yet from all the beer.

Sent from my iPhone

Symone names her children

"If I want to name my kids Jesus, Napoleon, and Hitler I should be allowed to! It's just a name! It's not fair!"

"How about naming them Ron, Hermione, and Voldemort? That means that Voldemort would defeat the other two because without Harry they have no strength."

"...Would they call child services on me?"

Symone and Marx

"I forgot I was reading Marx and I looked down and was like, what's all this riff raff?"

Symone is always completely dressed

Even when she goes to bed.
"You know that picture of that girl running naked down the street? I don't want that to be me!"

Picture she is referring to:
(disclaimer, she initially did not know that this picture came from the Vietnam War...so it was originally less offensive....)

Symone has a teddy bear

She bought him at Brooks Brothers.

Sent from my iPhone

Symone is startled

"Whoa! I just peed myself, thanks."

-Symone

Sent from my iPhone

Symone in the morning

"Wake up, Jenny! What did that sign say? Work will set you free?"
"Inappropriate!"
"It's true! Well, wrong place, wrong time, but still."

Symone avoids the new Droid Phone

because she thinks its going to probe you in the ass during the night.

Symone is shopping for cigarette holders online

Because she thinks it's cooler to smoke if you have an accessory.

Sent from my iPhone

Symone thinks...

...that Eva Braum should be a Disney Princess.

Symone is thirsty

So she drinks orange juice out of an empty Smirnoff Ice bottle.

Sent from my iPhone

Symone can read

Symone reads a lot of Kant. All of her books by Kant just say "Kant" on the front page, so she never knew Kant's name. Instead of looking it up on Wikipedia like any normal person, she decided to call him "Theodore" instead.

...She was truly appalled when she discovered just the other day that Kant's real first name is "Emmanuel."

Symone at amusement parks

Two summers ago, Symone went to Cedar Point with some friends. After smuggling in beverages and making use of them, Symone wanted to go to the petting zoo. In order to pet a goat, Symone put her un-lidded drink in the crook of her arm. As she leaned over, the drink spilled out onto the small child next to her. The little girl looked up and scowled. "You spilled on me!"

Symone shrugged, and walked away.



(sorry this isnt THAT funny, but we were getting complaints on the slowness of updates, so chill)

Symone likes innuendo

In Symone's political theory class, they were talking about Hegel and his theory of how the people should be able to see some qualities of their ruler in them. They compare this to professional athletes, and some kid goes, "Yeah, I can see Tom Brady in me." And Symone says aloud, "So could I."

Sent from my iPhone

Symone is very political

"I would agree with the Communists except their fashion sucks."

-Symone

Sent from my iPhone

Symone obeys the 15 second rule...sort of

"I just ate something off my paper. I think it was a noodle...?"

-Symone

Sent from my iPhone

Symone likes apple pie

but eats everything but the apples.

Symone as a Vegetarian

Went to McDonalds and ordered a Big Mac without the meat.

Symone wonders

"Sometimes when I wonder what happens in here when you close the door. I mean, when a tree falls alone in the forest, right?"

Symone is a vegetarian again

Because someone asked her if she was, so she decided to say yes.

Sent from my iPhone

Symone in Washington

Symone went to D.C. this weekend for a field trip. Here are some highlights:

Symone went to the Holocaust Museum. While for the majority of it she was appropriately serious for the grave subject, the "jaunty" and "jovial" music of the propaganda room made her "laugh out loud" and inspired her to dance. She then went forward to the gift shop "which wasnt really a gift shop, it was more of an enclave."

Symone met a Marine.
S:"Have you ever seen Jarhead? Jake Gyllenhal is kind of hot."
M: "..."

Symone attempted to go to a party at the Jewish frat at Georgetown. When they told her they couldnt let her in because they were in the middle of closing down the party for the night, Symone spotted a black man leaving the house and pointed to him.
Symone: "OH! The token black guy is leaving! Does that mean i can go in now? I know you don't have any more black people in there."
Frat guys: "..."

Conclusion:
"I guess I'm not really any different sober, am I?"

Symone on crack

"I don't want to smoke crack...I just want to make it."

Symone likes to help people

She plans to attend pastoral college as well as law school. That way, she can marry people, and then later divorce them when it doesn't work out.

Symone on philosophy

"The reason I don't like Hegel is that he isn't timeless. Nietzsche....Nietzsche is timeless."

*Giggle* "Oh, Nietzsche...he's so funny!"

Symone on sexuality

"Sometimes I used to worry that worrying about being gay made me gay. Then I realized that that didn't happen. So...I'm not gay. Gay Pride!"

Symone on hooking up

Does making out count as hooking up?

"I've decided that if I'm walking down the path the next day, and I take out my phone or do something random to make sure that we don't make eye contact if I see him: then we hooked up."

Symone at dinner

"I don't like butter. I like grease."

Symone on daytrips

"My mom and I would have fabulous days where we just wouldn't go home. We would go to hotels instead."

Symone wishes she was Annie

One night, we looked outside of our room to see that someone had gotten sick all over the hallway. Symone decided that little orphan Annie would have cheerfully cleaned, so she put on rubber gloves, got on her knees in her going out dress, and started singing "It's a Hard Knock Life."

Symone likes midnight snacks

One night after going out, Symone opened a can of tomato soup on
Kathryne's floor with a knife. Then she realized she is allergic to
tomatoes and probably shouldn't eat the soup.

Sent from my iPhone

Symone on Tv

"There really needs to be more sexual suggestion on the Disney channel."

Symone's Favorite Words

"My favorite words are: additional fifty percent off."

Symone is not-so-secretly

EMO.

Symone on Men

"His balls need to drop, like they do on new years."

Symone has a hamster

named Titus Flavius Vespasianus III after the Roman Emperor.

Titus has abnormally large balls. Like, not trying to be graphic, but literally almost the size of his torso. They are distended. Perhaps he is diseased.

Symone likes to decorate

Symone has a “GTL” poster of the cast of the Jersey Shore above her bed. This is combined with a poster of dozens of kittens to provide the correct aesthetic.

Sophmore year, Symone had three posters. A small boy running with a baguette, a crowd of well dressed African American youths sitting on a car, and Sweeney Todd.

Symone likes animals

She has a cat, a tarantula, and a hamster. She also fostered a dog, and has tried to grow sea monkeys multiple times.

The last time Symone wanted to grow sea monkeys, she decided to add eye drops to the mixture, because she thought they would like salt water. Instead, they sat un-hatched, while Symone stirred.

Symone Regarding Lent

Symone: I've given up boys to a certain extent.
Kate: What extent is this?
Symone: The farthest extent.

Symone likes science

"I found a cocaine picture book. I kind of know how to make a crack rock now."

Symone ate 30 Chicken Nuggets

From McDonald's in one sitting because she saw a man on youtube eat 27. We drove to a 24 hour McDonald's at 1 am. She explained to the man taking her order that she is a vegetarian, and doesnt eat fried foods.

Symone is an Excellent Gardener and Bird-Feeder

She LOVES Beta.

Symone Likes Starting Clubs

So far, Symone has proposed to start a polo, snowboarding, and quidditch club. ONE club for all three activities.

Symone likes to collect objects

left behind by others: sweatshirts in the jug, tiaras on the ground, whales on the lawn of a frat...

Symone has Personal Style (Part 2)

Symone has Personal Style

Symone is tight with Jesus

BFF for life.

Symone Doesn't Believe in Marshmallows

"They're neither born nor grown."

Symone does not believe in Bears.

"I mean...have you ever seen one? In real life?"

Symone Hates "Unabashed Apple-Eating"

During our annual apple picking, Symone openly hated on a family for their "unabashed apple-eating".

symone: "look at that family over there." *glares across the road*

kim: "what, them?"

symone: "yes. look at how unabashedly they're eating those apples."

kim: "are we not allowed to do that?"

symone: "not that unabashedly! that is some unabashed apple-eating going on there, it's disgusting."

Symone is good at photobombing

She pops up in the most unexpected places.

Symone likes to lick salt

off of other people's margarita glasses. She prefers to lip the edges of the glass, when your back is turned.

Symone shares her taste in Oreos.

"I don't want them Double Stuf. I want them Single Stuf, and I want
them both black."

-Symone

Sent from my iPhone

Symone contemplates if a character in a movie died

"I dunno, do people make faces like that when someone is alive?"

-Symone

Sent from my iPhone

Symone was supposed to sing "Tiny Bubbles"

...at a beauty pageant when she was four years old. It was going to be
a hula dance. But then they decided it was too inappropriate.

Sent from my iPhone

Symone is wearing cufflinks today.

No. Seriously. Cufflinks.

Sent from my iPhone

Symone Iced herself

She just opened up her fridge and there was a Smirnoff Ice so she
figured, well, now she has to drink it.

Sent from my iPhone

Symone was thirsty and needed to study

...so she Iced herself and went to the library.

Sent from my iPhone

Symone has bold ideas on reproductive rights

"Every time my boyfriend uses his sperm not for me, I'm going to make
him sell some."

Sent from my iPhone

Symone reveals her study habits

Symone: Whenever the teacher would ask us a question, we would cross
our eyes and act like we didn't know the answer.

Kate: Wait, everyone did that?

Symone: No, just me and like two other people.

Sent from my iPhone

Symone questions the Nazis

"Would the Germans still feel bad if they haven't gotten caught?"

-Symone

Sent from my iPhone

Symone has quite the love life

"One time in eight grade I had an internet boyfriend. He sent me presents!! But then my mom wouldn't let me talk to him any more. Sometimes I still talk to him... "

-Symone

Symone wants...

...a car that gets eight miles to the gallon, because it's baller. But her grandfather said no.

Symone discusses the Boxcar Children

"I liked how they ate bread and milk and pretended they were poor when they really weren't, so I did that when I was little."

-Symone

Symone tells people to hurry up, unless...

"Unless you're in the bathroom. Don't push too hard!"

-Symone

Symone shares her thoughts on the concept of being born with original sin

"Yeah I don't have it cause I was...what's it called, cesarean section."

-Symone

Symone went to the McDonald's drive thru

...and she tried to order in French. When the drive thru person did not respond, she ordered in a French accent instead.