Symone and trick or treating

Symone has only ever gone trick or treating once.
"My mom says its for pagans."

The one time she went, she went as a queen.
"I wore a crown and I waved at people."

Symone has an outburst during chapter

Caitlin: (to the whole group) What's your favorite Colgate tradition?
Symone: SEX!

Sent from my iPhone

Symone sometimes needs translation

Symone: Stuff is cheaper when people are poor.
Everyone: Huh?
Emily: Oh. She means the mall is in a poor area, so everything there
costs less.

Sent from my iPhone

Symone makes a statement

"I like to do things orally."

-Symone

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Symone questions her muscle pain

"You were with me last night. What was I doing with my butt?"

-Symone

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Symone's highschool years

"Sometimes I'd drive to crew practice and I'd have to turn around because of a dead body."

Symone's nuptials

"Everyone's invited to my wedding, even if I meet him in a bar..or and alley...or he's mormon..."

Symone just had a revelation

"Wait! Snuggies really are just backwards robes...I bought one for my
dog. My foster dog."

-Symone

Sent from my iPhone

Symone is a vegetarian

...But she is currently sitting in the dining room eating a midnight
snack of roasted chicken.

Because today, Symone says, is "chicken day."

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Symone has a weird affection for green sponges

"I like to put them in my mouth when they're new."

-Symone

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Symone is a phone thief

She found someone else's phone in the pocket of her jacket when she
left the Jug. She's not sure whose phone it is, but she's been playing
games on it all weekend.

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Symone has very selective fears

"The guns don't scare me. I'm a PCON major."

-Symone

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Symone at a haunted house

"I'm shitting myself."

-Symone

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Symone has an extra cupholder because...

"Something's in my crotch."

-Symone

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Symone won't take the back stairs

She'll only take the front ones, because the back stairs are racist.

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Symone says...no, actually, this one can stand on its own.

"Ugly people should have nice things sometimes."

-Symone

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Symone has a crush for the crush party

"He wears peat coats and cashmere sweaters, and I like peat coats and
cashmere sweaters. I think we'd make a nice family."

-Symone

Sent from my iPhone

Symone used to get a new computer every year

She had a pink Vaio when she went to college so she could look like
Elle Woods. But then she got a Mac so she wouldn't have to get a new
computer every year. But now her Mac is a year old and she thinks it
is "old and crusty."

Sent from my iPhone

Shit Symone Does now has a Facebook page! That means it's legit.

Follow us on Facebook so Emily can get her much-sought-after TV deal.

Symone just found out people read this blog

"That's...interesting."

-Symone

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Symone and titus

Symone thought that Titus (the hamster) looked hungry. So she made him some spaghetti.

Symone needs more disposable income

...so that she can buy an $8000 bed that's shaped like a princess
castle and lights up in the dark.

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Symone likes "Deadliest Catch"

"I like to watch that crab show."

-Symone

Symone comments on a friend's boy toy

"He's not full of himself... but a lot of people are full of him."

-Symone

Symone hates that TV show "Raising Hope"

Symone: Turn it off!
Person: Why?
Symone: Because it's about raising a child! People should know how to do that.

Symone disapproves of those who can't cook

"Don't you want to be a good Jewish mommy?!"

-Symone

Symone on the "Yes Means Yes" initiative

"Yes means yes, No means...maybe? Everyone looked at me like *gasp* but I was just like...you don't go to Colgate, do you?"

Symone after a night out

"All these people wanted to make out with me but I was like...AIDS."

Symone's teeth feel weird

And she's surprised they haven't fallen out yet from all the beer.

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Symone names her children

"If I want to name my kids Jesus, Napoleon, and Hitler I should be allowed to! It's just a name! It's not fair!"

"How about naming them Ron, Hermione, and Voldemort? That means that Voldemort would defeat the other two because without Harry they have no strength."

"...Would they call child services on me?"

Symone and Marx

"I forgot I was reading Marx and I looked down and was like, what's all this riff raff?"

Symone is always completely dressed

Even when she goes to bed.
"You know that picture of that girl running naked down the street? I don't want that to be me!"

Picture she is referring to:
(disclaimer, she initially did not know that this picture came from the Vietnam War...so it was originally less offensive....)

Symone has a teddy bear

She bought him at Brooks Brothers.

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Symone is startled

"Whoa! I just peed myself, thanks."

-Symone

Sent from my iPhone

Symone in the morning

"Wake up, Jenny! What did that sign say? Work will set you free?"
"Inappropriate!"
"It's true! Well, wrong place, wrong time, but still."

Symone avoids the new Droid Phone

because she thinks its going to probe you in the ass during the night.

Symone is shopping for cigarette holders online

Because she thinks it's cooler to smoke if you have an accessory.

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Symone thinks...

...that Eva Braum should be a Disney Princess.

Symone is thirsty

So she drinks orange juice out of an empty Smirnoff Ice bottle.

Sent from my iPhone

Symone can read

Symone reads a lot of Kant. All of her books by Kant just say "Kant" on the front page, so she never knew Kant's name. Instead of looking it up on Wikipedia like any normal person, she decided to call him "Theodore" instead.

...She was truly appalled when she discovered just the other day that Kant's real first name is "Emmanuel."

Symone at amusement parks

Two summers ago, Symone went to Cedar Point with some friends. After smuggling in beverages and making use of them, Symone wanted to go to the petting zoo. In order to pet a goat, Symone put her un-lidded drink in the crook of her arm. As she leaned over, the drink spilled out onto the small child next to her. The little girl looked up and scowled. "You spilled on me!"

Symone shrugged, and walked away.



(sorry this isnt THAT funny, but we were getting complaints on the slowness of updates, so chill)

Symone likes innuendo

In Symone's political theory class, they were talking about Hegel and his theory of how the people should be able to see some qualities of their ruler in them. They compare this to professional athletes, and some kid goes, "Yeah, I can see Tom Brady in me." And Symone says aloud, "So could I."

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Symone is very political

"I would agree with the Communists except their fashion sucks."

-Symone

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Symone obeys the 15 second rule...sort of

"I just ate something off my paper. I think it was a noodle...?"

-Symone

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Symone likes apple pie

but eats everything but the apples.

Symone as a Vegetarian

Went to McDonalds and ordered a Big Mac without the meat.

Symone wonders

"Sometimes when I wonder what happens in here when you close the door. I mean, when a tree falls alone in the forest, right?"

Symone is a vegetarian again

Because someone asked her if she was, so she decided to say yes.

Sent from my iPhone

Symone in Washington

Symone went to D.C. this weekend for a field trip. Here are some highlights:

Symone went to the Holocaust Museum. While for the majority of it she was appropriately serious for the grave subject, the "jaunty" and "jovial" music of the propaganda room made her "laugh out loud" and inspired her to dance. She then went forward to the gift shop "which wasnt really a gift shop, it was more of an enclave."

Symone met a Marine.
S:"Have you ever seen Jarhead? Jake Gyllenhal is kind of hot."
M: "..."

Symone attempted to go to a party at the Jewish frat at Georgetown. When they told her they couldnt let her in because they were in the middle of closing down the party for the night, Symone spotted a black man leaving the house and pointed to him.
Symone: "OH! The token black guy is leaving! Does that mean i can go in now? I know you don't have any more black people in there."
Frat guys: "..."

Conclusion:
"I guess I'm not really any different sober, am I?"